Mindset of a Distressed Homeowner

Hi Friends,

Ever wonder why homeowners act like they do? This will help you to understand where they are coming from...

The Typical Mindset of People in Distress

 As an investor it is important to learn which mindset a homeowner is in, in order for you to help them.

 As a homeowner it is important to recognize what mindset you are in, in order for you to move on.

 As an investor in trouble it is important to recognize where you might be and what other investors are thinking when they offer to help you.

Denial is probably the hardest to overcome. When people (or investors who saw your name in the foreclosure filings) ask you what is going on, how they can help, is everything okay because you seem tense, why you are moving, you say things like:

 I’ve already taken care of it
 I’m listing my house with a Realtor
 I hired an attorney
 I’m going to re-finance and pull out some cash
 I’m working with a mortgage broker
 It’s already taken care of
 I made up the back payments
 The bank has the wrong house
 Don’t worry about it, we’re fine
 I have no idea what you are talking about

When people ask you how you got into trouble, you blame everyone else or deny the problem altogether. It is normal to feel denial. It takes time to process what is happening. We believe that investors have a harder time with denial than homeowners do because they are supposed to be buying and selling houses for a profit. They are supposed to be helping other people in distress, not be in it themselves.

When the market was going crazy and property values were going up at record speed, many people decided to try their hand at investing. Unfortunately, most people didn’t get the proper investing education and ended up in trouble while trying to gain wealth. It can be very difficult to come back from that. You might be skittish next time around or decide to give up. Remember, Henry Ford went bankrupt seven times. Never quit!

Anger is typically the next emotion. You have accepted the fact that you are facing financial hardship and are mad at the world because of it.

When people (or investors who saw your name in the foreclosure files) ask you what is going on or what they can do to help, you say things like:

 Get off my property
 Stay away from here
 I’ll call the cops
 You’re such a jerk coming to my house
 Stop bothering me
 Who do you think you are getting into my personal business
 What makes you so different
 I’m a good person, why is this happening to me
 I didn’t do anything to deserve this

Typically with anger, you respond in an argumentive manner whenever anyone tries to find out what is happening. Deep inside you are mad at the world as well as being terribly embarrassed over things. As with denial, it is common to go from one emotion to the next. You may feel anger for a while, you figure out a possible solution, it falls apart and - bam - the anger comes back.

You see neighbors or family members who seem to have everything going in their direction and you feel angry about it – “why are you having all these problems and they aren’t, you’re a good person, why is this happening to you” - it is completely normal to have these feelings. That’s why they call it anger.

Take comfort in knowing that this too shall pass.

Fear might be the next emotion you experience. You lay awake at night wondering what you will do, where you will go, what will happen to your credit, will your marriage survive, why you bought those properties in the first place, if only you could take it back, and many more fearful worries.

When people ask you what happened (or an investor shows up at your door because of the foreclosure notice) you say things like:

 I’m in so much trouble
 The impact of this foreclosure is just killing me
 I don’t know what I’m going to do
 Thank God you’re here
 Thank you for working with me
 I can’t sleep at night
 I don‘t know what will happen to my kids
 How will I ever buy another house

While you are in the fearful mode, life may seem scary. As with all the other emotions, this one will pass as well. The great things about dealing with all your feelings is that once you accept them, you can start working toward a solution.

Depression is one of the toughest to overcome. Depression can cause people to take drastic measures – we have even seen people try to commit suicide. Remember, this is only a house … not a family member who is dying and you must start losing the emotional attachment to it. Once the emotional attachment is gone, life will get easy again and start going in the right direction. There is life after foreclosure, after losing something that was important to you, after losing a business, after all things – there is a new life waiting for you.

While feeling depressed you might say and think things like:

 I’m in a hopeless situation
 I’ve tried everything and nothing works
 What do you think you can do to help, nothing is working
 Other investors have tried
 My life and family are ruined
 I’m so screwed up
 I’m such a loser
 How will I ever face people again

Embarrassment is common to have throughout the entire process. You might feel anger for a while, then you’ll be embarrassed again, then in denial, then embarrassed again, then angry and then back to embarrassment.

We have both been in embarrassing situations before and no matter how many people help or how you resolve the situation, the fact that you were in it is embarrassing forever. We still get embarrassed (to a much smaller scale) talking about it and now we are sharing our personal situation with the world by writing this book. Talk about embarrassing! It’s kinda scary to know that your personal secrets are going to be exposed and for sale is every book store in America.

We’re sure that some people will judge us while others will look at what we have been through and who and what we have become today and it will give them hope. God has placed it on both of our hearts to share and help others to make a difference in their lives. Many of you don’t have family or resources, so we hope to be that person who helps you start over and begin a new, better, more exciting life.

Here are some of the feelings you might experience and some of the things you may say or think during the embarrassment phase:

 My kids will have to change schools and people might figure out why we moved
 Hope my neighbors don’t find out about this
 How did you find this out
 Who else knows
 Please don’t park your car with those “I Buy Houses Signs” on it in front of my house
 Please come in … hurry
 What do you mean this is public record
 What if my boss/family/friends find out
 Every investor in town knows I am in trouble and I won’t be able to get back into the business later
 What will people think of me as a person, mom, dad, or provider

As with the rest of the feelings, embarrassment will soon fade and that is when you can start dealing with what is happening to you and move on.

It is important to understand that harboring any type of negative feelings can result in many physical symptoms – lack of sleep, short temperedness, high blood pressure, heart attacks, strokes, anxiety attacks, break outs, loss of hair, and so many more things. Please don’t let stress and anger get the best of you. Trust us, someday you will look back on this as a learning experience. Maybe not for a while, but someday … what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Besides that, God says He won’t give you more than you can handle. NO matter how tough things are – you can handle it and start over.

Acceptance is the emotion to work toward. Once you have fully accepted your situation, you can really make things happen. You know you are in acceptance when you stop losing sleep, work diligently toward a solution, aren’t so mortified to talk about your situation, are beginning to accept advice and help from others, actually look forward to moving and starting over, begin to realize that you can invest again, know that people aren’t judging you and talking about you, you stop being paranoid and so on. It is a great day when acceptance sets in.

When acceptance sets it, don’t become complacent. Keep the ball rolling in the right direction.

Hope this helps to understand why homeowners act like they do...good luck.

Have a Blessed Evening,

Dwan
www.theieu.com